One thing that I’ve decided to start writing about is my struggle with depression and anxiety. It’s very closely related to the reason I first started looking into minimalism. The noise and chatter in my brain just couldn’t handle anymore stimulation in any form, so decluttering became a coping mechanism. Does it fix it or make it go away?
Heck, I wish it did.
But it does help a little with not getting too overwhelmed by the mess of my surroundings when I’m dealing with the mess of my brain.
Tonight I’m sharing 8 reasons why Depression SUCKS!
There are a lot more than 8, but humor me.
8 Reasons Why Depression Sucks
1. It hits you out of nowhere sometimes. You could literally be having the happiest day of your life and all of a sudden your brain decides to turn the clouds on.
2. You lose sight of everything important in life or any passion you had for living. Yesterday I was so motivated to do a bunch of different things and made a list of goals I wanted to get working on. This morning I woke up and have zero desire to do those things at all. Not just disinterest. Like those things just sound like the absolute WORST thing and I would rather eat rocks than do them.
3. Even though it’s an illness, its not like you get time off for recovery when you’re hit with a bad bout. People don’t drop everything and come to your door offering dinners or to watch your kids or do laundry. You’re still expected to do everything a completely healthy person would do. Which is ridiculous because if you’ve suffered from depression, it can be totally crippling and make it almost impossible to function on a normal level.
4. There’s medicine to help just like other illnesses but sometimes the side effects suck just as bad as the depression. Feeling numb, tired all the time, achy, bloated, etc. But again you’re still expected to function like a normal human being.
5. People who’ve never gone through it, don’t get it. They’ll either give you empty, useless advice, judge you for being lazy or lacking willpower, or runaway scared thinking you’ll go psycho on them.
6. You get to hear the advice and success stories from people who’ve overcome their depression with exercise, healthy eating, yoga, natural supplements, crystal healing, electrotherapy, or acupuncture. I’m not bagging on anyone who claims to have overcome their mental health issues through these means, but can we all agree that many of us do not have the resources, time, money, or let’s face it because it’s part of the illness–the motivation–to investigate each of these solutions? The best thing many of us can hope for is that our insurance covers anti-depressants.
7. Because you’re so frequently faced with people don’t understand, you’re reinforced to lie about how you’re really doing. Because responding to “how are you”‘s with “Oh, I’m still chugging along even though I’m pretty sure I’m already dead inside. How bout you?” is “awkward” and they didn’t really want to know anyway.
8. You don’t want to be lonely, but you want to be left alone. Being around people and their loudness and happiness is deafening and an endless reminder of how screwed up you are for being so miserable and stuck. Isolation feels better than putting on a fake smile and pretending you don’t just want to be at home in bed. But even being around people feels lonely, especially if they are the type who don’t understand what its like.
If this post reeks of bitterness, it’s because I am.
Right now my biggest struggle is figuring out how to just function on a basic level without slipping into madness. I’m not sure how well I’m doing that.
But the hardest thing is feeling like there is not much of an outlet to talk about it. I have my family and a few good friends who will listen, but it’s hard not to feel like you’re dragging your peeps down with you day in and day out talking about all the doom and gloom feels. But there is such a need for people to have a safe space to talk about these things! And a need for other people to understand what it’s like.
So I’m hoping my blog can become a place for that.
And I’ve decided to open up about how I really feel even if some people would rather not read it.
Which is fine.
But I’m tired, oh so tired, of pretending to be ok when I’m not, tired of the stigma, tired of advice to make lifestyle changes I can’t possibly afford right now, and tired of feeling like I have to keep quiet because the topic is too uncomfortable for everyone else or just sounds like exaggerated complaining.
Hit me up in the comments if you can relate to any of this!
Otherwise, thanks for reading and hope you stick around for the next post.